Overwhelmed...

I have been trying to do too much after this kid. I've been cleaning, grocery shopping, and working out all too soon. I have been prancing around with make up on my face feeling like I've got it all together. Maybe it's because I didn't get much sleep last night, or for the last 7 weeks, but I'm tired.

Holden was born with "Big Balls" as I'd like to say. We joke he's got Nicolaysen balls. We've had several doctors examine them and ensure us it's just fluid and it's called "hydro seal". Took him to a urologist and she thought it was a hernia and referred us to a surgeon. Saw the surgeon today and found out it is for sure a hernia (where some of his intestines dropped when his balls did) and kind of a bad one. Surgery is scheduled for tomorrow and shouldn't be a big deal but I'm still scared.

I have a Ford Five Hundred which I absolutely love. It is a great car, however I truly think we need a mini van. We have 2 booster seats and an infant carrier with it's base in the back seat. When you have to have your kids raise their arms so you can shut the door, you know it's time for a new car. It's going to be a long time before we can afford to get one though. With the new house and all the medical bills. Good hell. I had no idea babies had to do their own $500 deductible. We planned Holden's circumcision after Jan 1st so our deductible would be met for this year and found out he had one to meet between December 24th and Jan 1st also, so that's fun!

Breastfeeding this time around has been a joke. First mastitis, then thrush, then buying every damn cream or medicine the Dr's office suggests just so they don't have to see me. Was going to quit all together because it was taking 40 min and he was still hungry when I was done. Finally saw the doctor yesterday for my 6 week check up, he gave me the name of a supplement that will increase my milk supply. So here's to one more try at that.

Holden wakes me up every 2-3 hours and has been sleeping in our beds with us because he'll spit out his binki and I'm too tired to get up and put it in his mouth every time. I don't like kids in my bed, I don't sleep well. I get naps occasionally on the weekends, other than that, I'm up around 8. Good hell I'm tired.

We went from 1200 sq ft house to 2700. Gone are the days where it takes an hour to clean. I do love the space though and am grateful to have it. And it's so nice to clean a brand new home.

Terrible two's? No my friend, terrible 3's. My sweet loving Preston has turned into something fierce. He's always scowling and whining about something. Breaks my heart. We have come up with a reward system and hope it will improve.

Katelyn, Katelyn, Katelyn. Convinces kids at school to give her toys. Tells us she returns them when she does not. Keeps drawing on herself and her brother, even did it at school today. Told her Sunday school teachers that her mom and dad died and she lives with her grandparents. Should I be scared? :) Seriously though, I am not sure what to do with her and her lying.

I got a gym membership and started working out 4 weeks after Holden. I really do enjoy it. I have missed exercising. I love being able to get a break from the kids by sending them to the day care. That alone is worth it! I lost all of my baby weight by chance after 2 weeks, but for some gay reason I'm gaining weight now. And no it's not muscle. :) I bought some jeans while I was 9 months pregnant and they fit over my hips, had the baby and they still do not fit over my hips. I am ready to be fit instead of fat. I saw on Oprah that she didn't realize how bad her weight was until she saw a picture of herself. I had that moment last night and have been sad ever since. I am trying to eat healthier and hopefully working out and breast feeding will work. Oh and time. Can you tell I am not very patient with myself?

Thanks for letting me vent. I am kind of a nut job right now. Taking my frustrations out on people that don't deserve it, crying, and yelling at my kids to quit yelling. Go me.